A Funny Thing Happened

“When I put the ball on my head, kick it.”
—The Three Stooges

Horrific and Hilarious Communication Snafus

By Terri McAdoo

When people ask what I do for a living, I usually tell them I’m in “language enforcement.” It’s a real conversation starter and one that allows me to share some of the communication blunders I’ve encountered during the past 15 years. In every case, embarrassing errors could have been prevented if someone had taken the time to polish the message.

Time. That’s the problem, isn’t it? If you are part of a busy communications department, you may think you have more important things to do than agonize over antecedents or mend misplaced modifiers.

I intend to change your mind.

What’s at stake? Your credibility

Okay, so it’s not a matter of life and death. In my years of working with communications departments, I’ve never heard of anyone who died because of pitiful grammar or sloppy punctuation. Your life is not on the line but your credibility is.

Case in point: A few years ago, a communications manager was annoyed because his team members failed repeatedly to use the comma correctly in an online publication. This guy was a real stickler for punctuation, but his spelling skills were weak. In a huff, he fired off a bulk e-mail titled “Why the coma is so important to communication.” One misspelled word and his credibility was sucked down the drain.

Example #2: The owner of a beauty salon submitted a press release to the local newspaper in hopes that the paper would run a feature about her thriving business. In her description of the salon, she touted the state-of-the-art tanning beds and the “comfortable message tables.” Hmmm. I think she meant “massage” tables, because as far as I know, no psychic activity is going on in that salon. The business editor had a hearty laugh and promptly threw the press release in the garbage can.

What’s at stake? The integrity of your message

A friend of mine recently achieved a director-level position with a Fortune 500 company. She was thrilled to learn that because of her promotion, she would be featured in the “Rising Stars” section of her company newspaper. Her delight morphed into disappointment as she read the article, which stated that she had been named director of the “pubic” relations department. Isn’t it amazing how a missing letter “l” can ruin the message for everybody? (I should note that my friend decided to send her own message to the newspaper team. She had the page enlarged, framed and delivered to the department with a thank-you note.)

Words are tricky. And it’s not enough to be a great speller. You also have to know how to use the right word in the right situation. Consider this: A businessman submitted a bid on a multi-million dollar project to manage a chain of retirement communities in the Midwest. He was certain he had submitted the best proposal, and he was dumbfounded when the job was awarded to another company. Later, he asked me to critique his document for future reference. After reading only a few paragraphs, I identified a big problem: The document contained numerous distracting errors. For example, his procedures repeatedly referred to “hocking up the hoses” to provide street cleaning and fire protection. What he meant to write was “hooking up the hoses.” Keep in mind, the client reading the document was in the Midwest, where “hocking” has to do with how one spits out large wads of phlegm. The message of my client’s proposal was lost in a sea of misspelled and misused words.

The words you write can get you into trouble, and so can the words you say. Early in my career as a speechwriter, I failed to recognize the importance of rehearsing a speaker, regardless of the speaker’s comfort level with the audience. In this particular case, a vice president from a site in Puerto Rico was scheduled to speak during a communications meeting for U.S. employees. The man was energetic, warm and comfortable in front of a crowd. He did not want to rehearse his speech, and I let it go. The next morning this gentleman was scheduled to speak for 10 minutes about the “strategic focus” of the operation in Puerto Rico; however, he abruptly left the stage after 3 minutes because giggles were erupting across the crowd of 700 U.S. employees. He had no idea why the crowd was snickering at him. (Now, to avoid being crude in this article or inciting a discussion about whether the “f” word is appropriate, you can sound out the word “focus” with a Puerto Rican accent. Get the picture?)

What’s at stake? Your job

If you look at any organization’s list of “core competencies” for managers, you will find the words “communication skills” someplace near the top. Yes, those skills include listening and conversing, analyzing and articulating, but they also include the basics, like writing.

More than once, I’ve seen people lose their jobs because of weak communication skills. For example, let me tell you about “Meredith.” For sixth months, I had a steady stream of work from Meredith. Although she was in a communications role, it was nearly impossible for Meredith to put anything in concise written form. She paid me to do that – $400 for each one-page memo, and there were lots of them. These memos were distributed to a rather large group of people, and she took credit for them. Eventually, her “secret” was uncovered. And although I’d rather not get into the details about that situation, I can say this: She’s no longer with that company.

Example #2: An employee newsletter was delivered to a communications department for distribution to 2,000 people. The center spread included a feature about the competency of the communications department. The day the newsletter arrived from the printer, and before distribution (thank goodness), a secretary noticed that the word “rhythm” was misspelled in the headline of the feature. The department destroyed the 2,000 copies and reprinted the newsletter – an expensive and embarrassing mistake that almost cost the vendor who created the newsletter her job.

(I admit it. That last example was one of my errors about 10 years ago. It’s a constant reminder to avoid all caps in a headline. I have no scientific data to prove it, but I’m quite certain that words written in all caps trigger dyslexia.)

Whether you are paid by the page or by the project, details matter. The idea is to never put anything in the copy that is distracting for readers or listeners. Even the tiniest distraction can cause your audience to focus on the mistakes rather than the message.

More examples just for fun

• During a board meeting, I once heard a manager complain that he was “spectacle” about the ideas that had been presented. Even the CEO giggled. We’re pretty sure he meant to say “skeptical.”

• I attended a seminar on “How to Start Your Own Business” and walked out when I heard the key presenter refer to his last “physical year” rather than “fiscal year.” That one always makes me cringe.

• I bought my first home while working as a newspaper reporter years ago. My purchase of the home was recorded in the real estate section of the newspaper. Because of an extra zero carelessly placed in the copy, the notice said I paid $2,600,000 for my home, rather than the actual price of $260,000. The next day in the newsroom, a few underpaid reporters confronted me and demanded to know how I was able to afford a $2.6 million home on a reporter’s salary.

• During a communications meeting that included U.S. employees and their European counterparts, a gentleman from the United Kingdom began searching for something in his briefcase. When he couldn’t locate the object, he asked the individuals at the table, “Does anyone have a rubber?” Fortunately, I was familiar with the term and handed the man a pencil with an eraser before he noticed the puzzled faces of the American men in the room.

Do you need a feature, hard news or persuasive story written for a publication? Contact Terri McAdoo here.